I wish I knew what to say But I just don’t. And I know how much You need to hear One of my dad jokes So you can laugh And call me an idiot. Or anything about my day So you can listen for a second And then wonder back To that irresistible sorrow. Let me just sit here, In your pocket. Silent. Go for it. I promise it’s OK If I ever hear you cry.

Don’t you just sparkle today As if you eat all the ice cream, And all the cookies in the jar. And you’re five. And cheeky. With a steady, frozen grin, Mischief in your eyes, So shamelessly claiming So what?! So what. So you.

You promised me That white picket fence And told me unless And I did work harder. A promise of a dream Uncorrupted, far reaching, across thousands of miles And cities, maybe millions. A third way in and the best I’ve seen is the worst I’ve seen And no where near to Ideal, family, security. That hopeful promise. Tell me now, did you lie, Did you rob us blind, Or was it all just a dream?

A great expanse of time Has recently unfolded And an emptiness followed. Suddenly, things didn’t come With deadlines or appointments. It was all too fluid, too loose. Enough to scare the bones, A bounty of loneliness. Beyond finishing the day Goals felt absurd and lifeless And every day folded With careless nonchalance, As if it was mocking me. It was the time to be For the sake of those bones About half way into their use. It sneaked in ever so suddenly, That freedom.

There is a dawn Fast approaching Where all that bullshit Just doesn’t float Anymore. I meet you at this dawn Of a new vision For what it truly means To create, to feel, To have value. Beyond your pretense And from deep within, Right here, I am Other than hidden.

I’ll never have to say I never got the chance to Because I did. And I grabbed it Every moment you were here, Whispering to your heart And to your soul, With kisses and cuddles And so much more That was just …improvised. Often without words, Just a glance At any part of you. Daily. Still.

I came across Some photos that were missed And doubtful if I leave them You’ll thank me later. There is no mercy in this war And since that final blow The shirts are a little bit tighter, Aren’t they? Just at the sides. All is well. Although The end spelt disaster Across many things, That relentless gratitude - That stayed, as always. What blessing to have had A good friend.

And bring you out into the sun On this cold and crisp morning When you’re not at your best. Let me join you Within this hollow space Charred by flames passed. Let me add the sticks and paper And ignite your depths again So that when you’re ready You can bring all of you Back into our world, Where you belong.

Look I know you’re tired From slaying it all day And you’re probably done For now, at least. So rest. I’m proud of you. As for the things left On that relentless to-do list, If the world ends next week Why bother with any of them; And if it doesn’t, well, You have all the time In the world. OK, bye x

Here I lie To kiss a bumblebee By means of the flower Laid in the soil of my waste. Here I go To the land that fed me, Embracing my kin Who called me back to them. Here I live To be watered by the rain, Massaged and turned by roots And pressed by youthful feet. Here I am Alive in buzzing, crawling life; Surrendering to exquisite change So I may bloom again.

I lost the steady sadness Which used to fill these rooms And it’s tracks along with yours. Or have I? I lost interest in the chimes That used to draw you to them Or perhaps I grew weary Of their empty promises. I lost the home where you dreamt, Where the growing was slow And the plan was hatched To simply get lost on the way back. I lost the connection to a country, The many things it denied us And the isolation and shame That used to feel normal. Yet here I am, thinking of you And how much was lost For all the good that was gained In your struggle to find me. You, force of nature, you. How you did so much so well In spite of all the ebbs and flows. I see you. I remember.

Oh dreams, come at once And take me to sleep, For I dread the closing of the light. Conquer and bound me To the night, lovelorn for the day. Hold me as I drift away Into your care and colour. I am ready.

The sweetness starts With a gentle crackling From my speaker, Every now and again. It cracks just like A gentle shoulder touch And it’s possibly endearing, Definitely taking me away From the state I bathe in As a ritual ever since This relentless feeling Took over my life. And for a moment, Every now and again, I forget about How much I miss you.

Here’s to all the things You wanted to be, And to better. To what could have been, And could be and will be. And to your faith. To that warm heart And gentle touch. And to your love. To all that you do And don’t remember, And to tomorrow. To you, My darling everything. Here’s to you.

I’ve chased dreams And flew planes And dared to Be crazy brave. I’ve built empires And crowned kings, And witnessed miracles. I’ve crossed continents And met people Who inspired me, And gods who Created stars in their hands. I love them all. There are so many Things I love In this world And I’ll never Love any of them As much as I love you.

Sometimes I think you might miss me too. And sometimes I remember how You said it meant something more. Sometimes I wish you’d call, But we both knew it was perfect as it was. Sometimes I wonder about more time And what more could have been; To have met your friends. Sometimes, I remember fragments, And things that never happened. Oftentimes, I forget how wonderful It is to share this just with you And I’m grateful I was, briefly, Someone special to you.

We need to normalise Crying in public. It’s something very normal, Very kind; a statement. And not everyone cries Because they’re sad. My favourite tears Are those that come When I think of you. They start in my chest Where my heart is, Where you are, always. A knot in my neck at first And then a flow of love With nowhere else to go But down my cheeks, Because it’s very normal To feel so moved.

If I’m awake to see the sun come up My thoughts of desperation fade away. My being draws breath from its fire And the heat breathes life inside of me. The orange star calls on me to rise For it has cleared the clouds And lit my path to greater things. I cross the threshold of my door With sleepy eyes and muffled voice, Blinded and revived by its light. Like the gentle touch of love It raises me to hope and daydreams. My dearest heaven, my greatest god, Good morning.

I want to hear my heart beating When it beats not too slow And not too fast, Just beat, beat after beat, Just slow enough For me to enjoy this day, And just fast enough For my heart to have courage.

My goal for my heart Is a beat that’s not too slow And not too fast. Just like when I take no note of it. Just beat and pause. Just slow enough For me to enjoy this day, And just fast enough For me to have courage.

How can I not love this world? It’s hard sometimes, Actually, a lot of the time, To love the things that hurt me, The shallow depths And the things that took you away. I love every moment When you still play on my mind And with my heart. How can I not love this world? How can I hold back my tears When they’re pure joy? Even losing you – How can I not love the world When that’s where you are? How can I not greet strangers With a smile? How can word get to you That I’ve forgotten how to. How can I forget How much I love this world Because of you.

When I’m anxious in the morning I shall remember excitement. When I’m anxious in public I shall remember I’m not alone. When I’m anxious at work I shall remember my value. When I’m anxious to create I shall remember my dreams. When I’m anxious with him I shall remember patience. When I’m anxious about the future I shall remember courage. When I’m anxious at night I shall remember peace. And when I’m anxious in life I shall remember compassion.

Come rise, you giant, Made of clay, come rise. All that belongs to love Shall be forgiven. Come lift your sorrow And bathe in light today. All that belongs to love Shall be remembered. Come reach the top Of the mountain of life. All that belongs to love Shall be lived. Come bring your heart And all the joy and pain. All that belongs to love Shall be felt. Come, you, giant, rise! And rise over again. All that belongs to love Shall be reborn.

When we first heard that the world will end, We felt afraid; we felt betrayed; Something shattered and time stopped. We felt alone. We gasped for air, we said our goodbyes. And then we waited. We waited for the end, To be saved, maybe but not really. We knew nobody was coming. We thought about us in our old age And about everything being OK. We looked at us: the last people, The best people. As boredom set in we played music And danced like nobody was looking. Eventually, we were moving together. We came together. And so we danced at the end of the world. Foolish, imperfect. Smiling, unimportant; Resentful and forgiving. Dangerously, Lovingly, We danced at the end.

Break me, world, But do not kill me. I have so much life To live ahead of me. Take me, world, But don’t hide me. I have so many stories To inspire you with. Surprise me, world, But do not frighten me. I have so much lust To wonder at your beauty. Leave me, world, But do not abandon me. I have so much love To give to you.