Poetry

I wish I knew what to say
But I just don’t.
And I know how much
You need to hear
One of my dad jokes
So you can laugh
And call me an idiot.
Or anything about my day
So you can listen for a second
And then wonder back
To that irresistible sorrow.
Let me just sit here,
In your pocket. Silent.
Go for it. I promise it’s OK
If I ever hear you cry.

Don’t you just sparkle today
As if you eat all the ice cream,
And all the cookies in the jar.
And you’re five. And cheeky.
With a steady, frozen grin,
Mischief in your eyes,
So shamelessly claiming
So what?!
So what.
So you.

You promised me
That white picket fence
And told me unless
And I did work harder.
A promise of a dream
Uncorrupted, far reaching,
across thousands of miles
And cities, maybe millions.
A third way in and the best
I’ve seen is the worst I’ve seen
And no where near to
Ideal, family, security.
That hopeful promise.
Tell me now, did you lie,
Did you rob us blind,
Or was it all just a dream?

A great expanse of time
Has recently unfolded
And an emptiness followed.
Suddenly, things didn’t come
With deadlines or appointments.
It was all too fluid, too loose.
Enough to scare the bones,
A bounty of loneliness.
Beyond finishing the day
Goals felt absurd and lifeless
And every day folded
With careless nonchalance,
As if it was mocking me.
It was the time to be
For the sake of those bones
About half way into their use.
It sneaked in ever so suddenly,
That freedom.

There is a dawn
Fast approaching
Where all that bullshit
Just doesn’t float
Anymore.
I meet you at this dawn
Of a new vision
For what it truly means
To create, to feel,
To have value.
Beyond your pretense
And from deep within,
Right here, I am
Other than hidden.

I’ll never have to say
I never got the chance to
Because I did.
And I grabbed it
Every moment you were here,
Whispering to your heart
And to your soul,
With kisses and cuddles
And so much more
That was just …improvised.
Often without words,
Just a glance
At any part of you.
Daily. Still.

I came across
Some photos that were missed
And doubtful if I leave them
You’ll thank me later.
There is no mercy in this war
And since that final blow
The shirts are a little bit tighter,
Aren’t they? Just at the sides.
All is well. Although
The end spelt disaster
Across many things,
That relentless gratitude –
That stayed, as always.
What blessing to have had
A good friend.

And bring you out into the sun
On this cold and crisp morning
When you’re not at your best.
Let me join you
Within this hollow space
Charred by flames passed.
Let me add the sticks and paper
And ignite your depths again
So that when you’re ready
You can bring all of you
Back into our world,
Where you belong.

Look
I know you’re tired
From slaying it all day
And you’re probably done
For now, at least.
So rest. I’m proud of you.
As for the things left
On that relentless to-do list,
If the world ends next week
Why bother with any of them;
And if it doesn’t, well,
You have all the time
In the world.
OK, bye x

Stretch yourself to the stars
And never mind how tall.
Expand further than before.

Expose fear for what it is
And warn others against it.
Show them your scars.

Be the one to demand more
And demand better for all of us
Who tried and couldn’t.